|
You wondered why Tricia needed
to be reminded to do self-care
properly, when she was fond
of fitting and changing into
cool clothes. You wanted to
know why Tristan frequently
forgets where he left his things
and ends up losing them too
often. You asked me why they
don't seem to listen…
Even
I, heard myself ask, when
I felt tired reminding Kyle
to sit properly; when I got
frustrated hearing Luke shout
NO a number of times; when
I cannot figure out why Bibo
spends 10 minutes to copy
a five-word sentence; and
when I got dizzy listening
to Karlo's most inquisitive
questions…I agree, they
don't seem to be listening.
I
remember every moment very
well, whenever I hear somebody
ask this question, the same
moment when I see my students
cling to you and embrace you
while we talk, the moment
when I heard and saw more
of concern rather than confusion
in you… It was then that
I felt hope. I told myself,
I do not have to do this alone,
I have you, your love and
concern for them, and together,
with time and understanding,
we could win this struggle.
Yes,
behavior is very unpredictable.
It is molded through a person's
growth and influenced by the
environment he lives in. It
is his particular way of reacting
to situations. It cannot be
dictated and it is not something
that can be changed over night,
whether or not, somebody deems
it unacceptable. When we find
behavior unacceptable, we,
sometimes consider it a behavioral
problem, a struggle for all
of us to deal with.
They
don't seem to listen, they
ask too much questions and
they fidget too much. They
cannot finish their task on
time, they want to do something
else, they want to tell their
stories or they just want
to think about something else.
They cannot wake up early,
they have to be reminded to
do home works and self-care
activities. They fight with
other kids, they play with
dangerous things, they shout
back etc. Dear parents, we
must remember, they are kids.
They are young.
Maybe
I don't feel exactly the same
way as you do in this struggle.
Maybe I don't really understand
how it feels to deal with
these misbehaviors everyday,
not seeing all their misdoings,
not hearing all the mistakes
they commit, and not feeling
their inattention and insensitivity.
Maybe…
that is what makes me fit
to share this with you. Because
I am not with them everyday,
I have all the time to look
deep inside me, to find out
what I can do with and for
them, rather than what they
can do and must do for me…
In
the clinic, I try to talk
them into behaving, to sit
properly and finish their
work, to cooperate and participate,
and most of all, I give them
time to let them tell their
stories and ask their questions;
to be playful and to feel
young, because they are.
At
home, however, it will just
be between you and your child,
between you (parents), your
child and their other siblings.
You don't have to actually
give them special attention.
You don't have to spend more
of your time with them, than
with your other kids. Treat
them as you would treat your
other kids and accept them
for what they really are.
Allow them a large room for
mistakes, though, for they
really need it. Shower them
with love and affection, not
just by being kind, but also
by being firm if needed. Most
of all, do not forget to take
care of yourself. Remember
that they need you, especially
during the times when they
feel confused, whenever they
are being told that they did
something wrong. So please
don't give yourself a burden
by thinking you are in an
unfavorable situation. It
is not a problem as you think
it is. It is more of a challenge,
that we must face, not with
worries, but with understanding
and concern. Believe, that
behavior can change behavior.
Pray, not because we need
to change the situation, but
to change our attitude about
the situation.
|
